Rest In Peace - Johnathan Freeze

Joe and I lost a good friend over the weekend. We found out only 5 1/2 hours ago and I find myself so full of thoughts...I just need to get them out.

Why John? That's the main question that goes through my mind.
Wasn't there another alternative? The 2nd most popular in my head
Was it really "that" bad? Questions I'll never get answered. They may not be my business to begin with - but I"m hurting and I'm lost without answers.

He took his life sometime on Friday. His body was found, at his home, this afternoon. Found by his brother Kimball who had been anxiously worried about him after Jon didn't show up for their "get together" at noon today. Poor Kimball will never forget the site of his lifeless brother. I shudder to think what that was like.

For those of you who don't know John, I'll give you a little history. Joe and John have been friends since childhood. John is a year younger than Joe - just turned 24 in december. They have been through so much together. Joe could go on and on about all this trouble they used to get into or all the laughs they had as kids. John met his wife at a 18. (She was still a senior in high school.) They went through so much together and finally got married in 2004. With every relationships, they hit a few bumps in the road. Just after Christmas they decided to go separate ways.

John has played a big part in Joe's life. Talking, texting or gaming every day. So many memories and good times with each other. Joe is at a huge loss. I can't begin to explain the pain Joe is going through right now. I'm sure the only ones that can understand are John's family and all his other friends. I am thinking of John's mother and praying she gets through this. I can't imagine the emptiness she feels.

Its very surreal tonight as I think back on all the fun times we've had. Looking at pictures on my computer only increase my disbelief that this actually happened.

Could we have done something or said something to make him change his mind?
I'm sure there is nothing we could have done, but I can't help think about it.

Were we not there for him enough?
Did we not show enough love or support?
I'm sure there is nothing we could have done....

I have to keep telling myself that, as I grieve for a good friend. Now to move on, go to work tomorrow and even on a family vacation this coming Easter weekend. We have lost someone dear to us. There is no way to get him back.
No last words or hugs.
Nothing.

As you read this - be thankful. Be thankful you have friends and family around you that you can call or talk to on a moments notice. Don't take advantage of that. I know I will cherish the relationships I have and never take them for granted again.

Did he know how much we loved him?
Did he know how much he meant to Joe?
Did he know he was our family?

What will we do without him?

Rest in peace Johnathan Freeze. You will be in our prayers and our thoughts everyday. We miss you so much already. Rest in peace.