Thursday, February 3, 2011

We're trying!!

Yes, we're trying to get pregnant. Most people are in the loop, but I know a few aren't, so I thought I'd get everyone up to speed and put an end to any rumors.

Joe and I have actually been trying to get pregnant since January 2010. Once we found out my younger sister/room mate, Andee, was pregnant with twins...our minds just got to thinking about it. We have been so "anti-kids" for so long, I think there a quite a few people who NEVER thought we'd have kids. (Me included.) But once we thought about it and tossed around thoughts & plans, we really felt like it was the right choice. It was very strange; almost like we accepted it the moment we thought it could be a possibility! We knew it was finally our time.

Once the thought & want were there, we jumped to it....literally! Haha!! I bought a few books and confided in my good friend Ciara, who was also trying for her #2. (I had so many questions!) Joe and I decided to keep it a secret mainly because everyone would be so SHOCKED we were I didn't want people assuming we were only trying because Andee & Kelly were pregnant. (Which was a reason, but not the ONLY reason. Plus I just didn't want to be compared to her...especially because they were having twins.) We kept it a secret from pretty much everyone, minus my friends Ciara & Elizabeth. But then once the twins were here, it was harder to keep quiet.

Clearly since we aren't pregnant, you'll understand we've had problems. Last year was probably one of the worst of my life. It was so hard to constantly be disappointed month after month. (I know there are a few who completely understand.) Everyone I talked to about it, told me "not to stress or worry" because it effects the trying. Okay, well TRY IT! Its hard NOT to think about it. How could I not??? When you want something so badly, its always #1 on your mind. Plus EVERYONE around me was getting pregnant. My friend Ciara was able to conceive her #2, Elizabeth, who wasn't even thinking of trying when I first confided in her back in April, she got pregnant over the summer. My sister, friends, cousins, clients...EVERYONE! How could I not get discouraged when people around me tried once and succeeded? Ugh, it was tough. Of course with the my wonderfully supportive husband and my trusted therapist, I eventually got over my depression. Now the whole world could get pregnant and it wouldn't bother me.  ;)

I sought after a new OB/GYN back in August to talk about what was going on and unfortunately that doctor made it worse. I was hoping for support, empathy, answers, guidances, ideas..ANYTHING! All I got was, "You're over-weight and thats affecting your ovulation which is causing you to not get pregnant." The whole time I was in her office it was, "you're over-weight," "its the weight," "you need to lose at least 40lbs," "your weight is your biggest issue." Blah, blah, blah. If anything, that appointment only discouraged me more. I knew my weight was a possible factor. But the ONLY factor? I was devastated. I've been over-weight my WHOLE life and it never bothered me or depressed me. Now I was depressed about it.

I was so upset I stopped trying...well not the actual "trying," but I stopped caring. I didn't track my cycles, my temperatures, didn't take Ovulation Predictive Kits. I stopped caring about it all together. I decided to have the attitude that everyone told me I HAD to have = "It'll happen when its supposed to happen." BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!

Once the holidays came and my sister went through the horrible tragedy of losing a baby, I realized I needed to get back on board and figure out what was wrong. I couldn't accept that my weight was THE factor. There had to be something else - what if it was serious?  I talked to Andee about her OB/GYN and she highly recommended him and I knew I needed a second opinion. Of course he was booked 6 weeks out, so I couldn't get an appointment until January 21st. Ugh. It was hard to get through the holidays. Not only because of what my sister went through, but because of all the other healthy babies & pregnancies out there. Plus the "normal" holiday depression kicked in at some point. But once the new year started, Joe and I turned our frowns up side down and were determined to figure out what the problem was - at no cost.

My appointment on the 21st went amazingly well! My doctor told me exactly what I needed to hear, gave me examples, told me his thoughts and his plan of action. He wrote it all out for me on a calendar I carry with me everyday. He doesn't agree that my weight is the ONLY factor. He told me either, I'm not ovulating, my tubes are blocked, its a problem with Joe OR its something more serious that would require aggressive measures. Just the fact that he had a plan was enough for me to hear.

Since that appointment, so much has happened! The ball is rolling and I think a pregnancy in 2011 might just happen!!! I've started taking Clomid to help with ovulation. Joe had his "test" done and his swimmers are just fine. I unfortunately had to have an HSG test done last Monday. (A test showing whether or not my tubes are blocked.) It was probably the worst thing I've been through to date. (and I'm sure worse is yet to come.) Found out my tubes are CLEAR! Now I have to have a progesterone blood test next Friday and then the waiting begins. Waiting for ovulation and waiting for a confirmed pregnancy. My doctor wants to me to keep him updated with EVERY little thing, just in case we need tackle it more aggressively or we need to up the dose of Clomid. So we'll see...this is just the first month.

So.....there you have it. ALL the information and you're caught up to speed!! I have told quite a few people and I knew the info was spreading...I just thought I would lay it all out there so no rumors or untrue stories got scattered around. Joe and I ARE trying to start our family...finally. We're taking every measure to get there. No I'm not depressed or over stressed anymore. Please continue to tell me your baby news, I love to hear about it! No I'm not jealous about the twins and they aren't a constant reminder - they are the best thing that has ever happened to this household and I couldn't be happier for Andee & Kelly. And yes, Joe and I are FOR SURE ready for this next step in our marriage. Both mentally & financially.

Hopefully I put all wacky assumptions to rest.

Love to all - and send all your baby dust our direction. Let's have a baby in 2011!!!!